Lately I've been reflecting on leadership, inspired by some of the books I've been reading and conversations I've had. Recently, I also reconnected with a former leader who truly nailed this balance — someone exceptional at both motivating and retaining people.
A few things stand out.
Listen first. Especially when you're new.
The first step is to listen and observe rather than rush into changes — especially when joining an existing team.
Respect the team's dynamics. Changing too much too soon risks breaking what already works. There's almost always a reason things are the way they are, even if it's not visible from the outside, and discovering that reason later — after you've already overruled it — is a slow way to burn trust.
Trust grows when you give responsibility and step back
The leaders I respect most don't hover. They give people the problem, give them the runway, and then let them shape the solution in their own way.
That's harder than it sounds. The temptation is always to step in, to "help," to suggest the answer you already see. But every time you do that, you teach the team that the answer comes from you — and you teach yourself that they can't get there alone.
True leadership avoids cognitive conformity
Different voices and perspectives should be encouraged, not silenced. A team that always agrees with the leader is a team that's not thinking — it's performing.
This is the part most leadership books underestimate. It's easy to say you value dissent. It's much harder to make space for it when the dissent is inconvenient, slow, or comes from someone who isn't yet sure how to phrase it well.
Three rules of thumb I try to live by
These aren't just for leaders — they guide how I try to contribute as a team member every day too.
1️⃣ Clarify before you assume
When a task lands on my desk, I ask: What matters most — the method or the outcome? This avoids wasting energy on perfecting the wrong thing and helps align expectations early.
2️⃣ Offer instead of waiting
Rather than sitting back when something feels unclear, I try to suggest a way forward: "Maybe we could reach the same result by doing X." This often sparks dialogue and helps the team move faster.
3️⃣ Separate the task from the person
If something doesn't work, it's rarely about someone's value as a person. I ask: What serves the purpose best? — and focus the discussion on the task, not the individual.
The point of all of this
For me, these small principles help create clarity, reduce friction, and build trust — no matter the role I'm in.
Leadership, to me, is less about control and more about creating conditions where others can thrive.
👉 If you had to add a fourth rule of thumb to this list — what would it be?